Trigger

You think you're fine
but something's wrong
then one day, out of no where
a trigger
and you're down and out
though you don't know it yet
your awareness hasn't caught up
with the rest of you
you're falling so fast

One day they'll hear a bang
and come downstairs
and there will be blood
running out into the carpet

and eyes will go wide
and they'll look at each other
and shake their heads
and lift their shoulders
never blinking

Did you know she felt that way?
I didn't know.
I knew she used to be,
but I thought she was over that.

Here's the thing.
Human beings can be trained.
Very, very well.
I've been trained.
You don't want to listen to me complain.
You don't want to hear when it hurts.
You'd rather kill our dog
than put up with her anxiety
so what about me?
How am I different from the dog?

Completely subjugated, dependent
there for your entertainment
the difference is,
you can't kill me. Law says so.
and unlike the dog,
I understand when you want me to hide it
but just because you can't see it anymore
doesn't mean its gone away

So its no wonder you'll be surprised
when my brains are leaking out
onto the floor
because you've trained me so well
to hide the emotions
that are displeasing to you
you don't even know they're there.

Yes, I was better, for a while
then there was a trigger
not that you'll know,
I barely know it now
but there won't be a change,
not on the outside.
outside is what matters to you
that is,
until outside is blood and turning cold
then you'll know
right there on the floor
and there won't be any other explanation
because no one else will have one
its the inevitable conclusion

she was depressed.
she was hiding it from us.
Why?
you'd know if you'd listened.
because you told me to.
Dad.