Getting hair like Brad Pitt, and other tribulations.
So, I've been introduced to this great resource called autostraddle. A website at helping women discover themselves and come together in a safe community, exploring sexuality and society, mostly. Which is all great.
Except that it's for women.
Finally, a group of people who would seem to have the mindset to open and accepting, who might have the information base to point me in the right direction. Except that this group, open and accepting of women of all races, religions, and sexualities, is NOT open to MEN. Or us something-in-betweens-but-decidely-masculine beings. MTFs? Gotcha covered. Lesbians? All over that. FTMs? Uhh, sorry guys.
But there was a very good article I read, about a recent MTF that was not having such a good time because other MTFs were telling her that she was "not feminine enough." This woman decided to dress the way a lot of my (decidely girl) girlfriends choose to dress, in college or on their weekends off work; a fringe band tee-shirt, skinny jeans, and a nice pair of boots. Not exactly girls-only clothes, but definitely being sold in the girls section of Target. Yet these other women are saying that if you're going to be "for-real" transgender, you have to push all the way to the other side of the spectrum; sundresses and skirts seemed to be the message.
And so I have to throw my vote in with this woman. This is a progressive time. Cis, hetero and very proud of it women can be found in favorite-band tees and shapely jeans pretty much everywhere in America and Britain, I think. So isn't that safely within the realm of acceptable dress for a trans woman?
But I don't think that takes it far enough. And I'm going to try very hard to organize my thoughts clearly on this matter. Point one: most trans people, and frankly most LGBT persons and allies, would consider themselves on the cutting, nay, the blunt-force crashing edge of progress when it comes to softening, blending, and in some cases shattering gender norms and barriers. As LGBT we are advocates (I hope) of considering a person as individual, and not categorizing people based on their appearance. Granted, being "outside the box" is often something that points a person out as LGBT, an unfortunate distinction I think.
So basically, I think that transgender people telling other transgender people to dress like heteronormative people and not continuing the work to break gender boundaries and stereotypes is a travesty.
But I understand why we do it.
It's hard enough to "fit in" back with your group of friends and community (the one you came from if not the one you've made in your search for acceptance) after telling them that you'd like them to use different pronouns to refer to you when you're not around, that you'd like them to forget the name they used to know you by and pick up with a new one. To firmly assert that you're not a girl, you're a boy, well, lots of people need proof. And that proof is to fully conform to the gender norms of the gender to claim to be. To still be in the middle gives them every chance to say "nah, you're just faking it, you're just a tomboy/in touch with your feminine side/a fag." And that hurts. So part of being taken seriously is coming out of one closet to get back into another. I hope I will have the strength (and stage time) to assert myself outside that.
I saw this great interview with Jazz, who at the time of the interview was 11 years old. A MTF who was very feminine and very happy about it. And when the interviewer asked her if she liked girls or boys, I found myself holding my breath. And when she said "I like boys," I let it go in a sigh of relief. And I felt ashamed, but not unjustified. I liked this girl, and I really wanted her to "pass," and I knew that part of that had to be heteronormativity. It's just sort of impossible to tell your friends "ohh b-t-dubs, I'm not a straight guy, I'm a lesbian lady. Hiiii!" and be met with the same level of understanding as "ohh b-t-dubs, I'm not a gay guy, I'm a straight lady trapped in a guy's body. Hey y'all!" Why? Because one level of unusual can be overwhelming for some, two levels of unusual can be... unbelievable. Especially when they seem to cancel each other out.
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