So, X came out on my behalf to his mother. I couldn't really blame him in context; we were having a really hard time (okay, I was having a really hard time) and he wasn't dealing with it well by himself. He had to talk to his mom, and in order to properly do that, he had to out me. I wasn't thrilled, but I dealt.
Here's the real problem. His mom started hugging me and telling me that "we" (her, her husband, her son) love me no matter what. Sounds great so far, right? Coming out story of everyone's dreams! Then she told me that I probably shouldn't come out yet, because I wasn't strong enough.
I was ready to say "Fuck You" right then and there.
For me, it's no longer about being strong enough to come out. I'm not strong enough to keep it hidden. I'm not strong enough to keep lying to people. It's not that I'm too weak to come out of the closet. I'm too big to stay in it. I've outgrown the confines of how everyone else defines me. I am big. I am special. I am wonderful. I am proud.
My actions should reflect how I really feel about my gender; frustration. Not shame. Before a lot of my hiding was fueled by fear, then I realized, I'm too smart. I'm too awesome. I'm too kind and charitable. People can't throw me away just because of this, and the ones who do, don't deserve me. I believe in tolerance and circumspection and empathy. If people can't show that towards me, then clearly I'm wasting my efforts on them. The other argument is to lead by example. It's so clear that the lot of gays everywhere is made better by so many of them being out. Well? My lot would be better if more people like me were out, but they're not, so I guess I'm just going to have to assume the courage to be a trailblazer. If I'm so fucking gifted, isn't being bigger and better than the closet for the sake of others less blessed my responsibility?
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