I was actually kind of excited at the prospect of having readers from around the world. Then I find, its just spam search scripts from Russia. Why? Whats the purpose, the point? Is Russia spying on Americans and trying to get an inside look of the goings-on by randomly sampling personal blogs? I write down things that I could get in trouble for on a personal level because other people simply don't like it. Like being trans, or liking someone outside my age group. But, sorry Russia, there's no national secrets buried in code in this blog. It's just a digital diary of a cranky young person with no one trustworthy enough to talk to. Judgment is ubiquitous. But I like to think that God doesn't hate the love I have. Or the way I deal with it. I haven't made anyone uncomfortable (yet) so, I'm not going to punish myself. Go ahead and judge me Russia, I truly, truly, do not give a shit. My country can punish me for what I am, but not you; your judgment has no bearing on my existence. Now, I'm sort of pissed that your judgment has bearing upon the people within your country. It's cruel and unfair and they're probably even more scared than I am of discovery and wouldn't dare put their thoughts online. I'm lucky I don't have to be that scared. But shit's still fucked up when I can tell a man I love him because of how other people would react. (I realize I'm veering off the topic suggested by the title but no real person is actually reading this, so w/e my thoughts are my own)
There was one moment in Wuthering Heights that I connected to. "There is no Edward, there is no world, there is only you and me." And the pure bliss that that conjured, is how I feel about my situation. If the rest of the world didn't exist, we could be blissfully happy. But it does, and the dream is shattered. I feel sorry for the poor Russian son of a bitch that has to read scraps of this drivel looking for coded hints to bioweaponry breakthroughs.
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