Hey so shout-out to my readers (all two of you) in Germany and Australia. Gotta love the internet.
So, I have a job. My boss expects a lot from her underlings. Which is fine. Except that when I meet those expectations, I get no positive reinforcement whatsoever, and when I slip up ever so slightly, she acts like the sky is falling, that its the worst mistake a human being could ever make. And even that I get, kind of. I mean, she's a boss. I have a job to do, and if I don't get a pat on the back for doing it right or I get barked at for a slip up, I guess that doesn't make me very different from, ohh, every other employee on the planet. She takes it further to describe me in terms of my faults, as if my entire being is encompassed by a missed meeting. No moral compass, no personality, just faults. Fine, whatever. I know that I am more than that (frankly I'm lucky that I have friends in my life to tell me so), and its unfair of her to say such things, but again, its what we deal with. And frankly I think she holds a lot back; she's the kind of person verbal abuse codes of conduct and political correctness were invented for.
So what have we concluded? My boss sucks, and life goes on. But life goes on differently, and noticing the ways in which it does has provided me with interesting insights. And reasons why kind and forgiving bosses will in some cases get better work out of their minions.
So we'll start with concessions--why the way she acts sometimes gets her what she wants--and frustrations--why I think that, in least in terms of me, her methods are counterproductive. We might even get to suggestions: how I as an employee and she as an employer could work synergisticly to improve this whole situation. Which hopefully will not require personality changes, because that's asking a bit much, but we'll see how it goes.
Concession#1: I am at fault for my mistakes. I missed a few meetings because I don't have the organization skills to keep track of when I need to be where. Bringing attention to my faults and how they disrupt the rest of my work environment informs me that I need to change my behavior. If I want my office to run smoothly (which I do) then I need to work within the terms.
Concession#2: After my boss really chews me out and informs me that my employment is in jeopardy, my efforts improve and I am able to counter my instinctual habits and do things her way for at least a few weeks. Being told that "this is the final straw!" or some such usually puts me under a full-system reset, in a positive way (as far as work is concerned). I may be lucky, and I don't pretend for a second that any sort of majority of people respond to super-criticism in this manner. But she wants to see a sudden drastic improvement, and that's what she gets. I concede that the "I've had it" method works.
Frustration #1: There is only so long you can keep someone under probation while they're performing up to task. If I am put on probation for missing a meeting, then don't miss a single meeting for ten weeks, if I then slip up again, is it really fair to say "need I remind you that you're under probation"? I have shown a clear improvement in performance and now my rate of mistake-making is similar to those people not under probation. Its less a matter of fairness and more a matter of keeping someone in a state of stress even when its clear that they are trying hard, and that the effort is paying off. This goes along with not being given a single "good job, keep up the good work" during those ten weeks that I was performing exceptionally, which brings me to...
Frustration #2: The most effective conditioning has two components: positive reinforcement of good behavior combined with negative reinforcement of bad behavior, occurring in time such that the correct events are associated. What I have gotten is time-delayed negative reinforcement of bad behavior, with absolutely zero acknowledgment of good work. If I were a dog, it would be clear to me what not to do, but a total vagueness of what to do. And we are not so different from dogs. All I'm saying is, it would be easier for me to do the right thing if it were rewarded (verbally) and thus the circuits of my brain to make that instinctual would be activated, rather than having to constantly think of what I need to do, and convince myself that its worth doing to not get yelled at. And these are just for the cases where I can clearly think of what behaviors deserve to be, and ought to be, positively reinforced. This only begins to touch upon....
Frustration #3: Ambiguous directions. I am told that I need to ask more questions, rather than forging ahead myself (which I always think of as "taking initiative" but apparently that's not valued in my line of work). Yet, whenever I ask a question, I am treated like an idiot for having asked such a question, as if I should have already known the answer or I should have looked it up and not bothered my superior. So here we have the promise of positive reinforcement that is then met in reality with negative reinforcement. I think that, in this case, my boss needs to remember that she told me to ask questions, and so encourage that behavior even when in her mind the question is a stupid one. Keep in mind that I'm entry-level; I'm not expected to know my profession and be able to operate autonomously.
This applies not only to questions, but also to "communication" in general. My experience has been that my interactions with my boss always leave me cringing. So its no surprise that I don't often initiate these encounters. But then, my boss almost never takes the initiative to talk to me either, not until I do something that she conceives to be "unacceptable", at which point she tells me I'm uncommunicative. Well, that's to be expected, ma'am, if you consider that every time we communicate I end up backing out the door with my tail between my legs. Who volunteers for that treatment? If you want to encourage your minion to interact with you, then throw a bone in at least some of those interactions. Which is all just a big part of...
Frustration #4: Understand your employee. I have difficulty scheduling. My method of existence is free-flowing. When I have a question, I want to ask it right then. If I have an hour now, I'll do that thing that I was going to do on Friday. If I'm tired at 3pm, I'll go home, take a nap and come back at 8pm to finish it up. It is not in my nature to have a question and request an appointment 5 business days in advance to resolve it.
> here's the really interesting thing that I find fascinating. My boss makes appointments to yell at me. She doesn't actually yell at me at the time she's mad at me. She sends an email saying that we need to talk, and asks for times when I'm available. Then I spend the next day to a weekend anticipating this ball-crushing session. Which, if you know much about psychology, makes the punishment dissociated with my actual mistake, and instead associated with my boss. Which is not productive to the ends she was hoping for, unless I consciously wrench my brain into changing the behavior that she was trying to address.
< Anyways. My boss clearly likes her stuff scheduled. So. In order for us to work together, something has got to give. If I'm forgetting appointments, and this is happening more than once, then a boss that wants to build a better employee helps their minion to find the tools they need, or adjust their own behavior to compensate. Example. I'm often just outside my boss's office at the time we're supposed to meet. She realizes that we're supposed to meet the moment the digital clock silently flashes to double zero. But she will SIT there waiting for me to come to her, then get mad at me for being late. Even though all she had to do was call my name and I'd be bounding through her door. Deciding something is not your job to the extent that it sabotages the smooth operation of your office seems just plain immature to me. I try my best to change myself to fit her needs; following the line of authority that seems fair. But when I can't change any further, a boss needs to realize that they either need to compensate, or lower their expectations. ergo...
Suggestion #1: Be flexible. I can't hold tightly to a schedule. So, give me a range of times to show up. Scheduling a weekly meeting to recap last week's progress and this week's objectives was one of the best decisions we made. It requires me to be communicative; it does not automatically hold the connotation of punishment. But mostly, it's every fucking week first thing Monday so it's easy to remember. But even then, I'm going to be late sometimes. Get over it. Keep doing the things you were doing until our appointment time. If I show up early, let me know whether you're ready to meet yet or if I should go do some other chores and come back in a few. If I'm sitting outside your office, holler out when you're at a good stopping place in your other tasks, instead of silently fuming at 4:00:00. It seems like communicativeness on your part could also make both our lives easier. But to encourage this chatter-box relationship...
Suggestion #2: When I'm doing a good job, tell me so. Let me know that you notice, that you acknowledge the progress that has been made. This also gives you an opportunity to identify exactly what it is I'm doing that you're pleased with, and what could still use improving. Help me identify for myself that strategies that are paying out, so that I can continue to use these to further my performance and thus get you more for what you pay for. At this point it can be broken down into efficiency. You pay me for so many hours of work per week. But what is each of those hours actually producing for you? The only way for me to do more of what you want is for you to tell me when you like what you're seeing. Don't just provide expectations; provide feedback, both negative and positive. and speaking of positive reinforcement...
Suggestion #3: be patient with stupid questions. They're not stupid to me, else I wouldn't be asking. If there's somewhere else I can find the answer, tell me the answer along with where I can find it. That way I'll still feel comfortable coming to you, instead of opting to waste time searching all our other resources first (which is something I get punished for as well).
All of these interesting dynamics are well and good; even if my boss doesn't change, I'll continue to work until I get fired. But in the meantime I've noticed a change in my behavior. When I produce something I'm proud of, I go outside my office for positive reinforcement. I invite even distant friends to see the work I've done, and I'm not usually the sort of person to show their work off even to their close friends. But because I feel such a lack of positive reinforcement, I seem to be seeking it from people who can't really appreciate all of the effort that went into this project. This change in behavior I see in myself is not necessarily good or bad: clingy and needy on the one hand, but appropriately proud of hard work on the other. But it certainly is a marked difference, and the predicted source of causality is thus a very strong force in my life. And that's something to ponder on.
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