The Difference Between My Boss and an Autistic Kid

The difference between my boss and an Autistic kid. It's an interesting thought, isn't it? Well, its one you don't expect to have until you're faced with an interesting proposition: spend the summer working with your boss, or spend the summer working with autistic kids? What would be the difference in my human interactions, and in my state of being? (my zen, as I've started to refer to it as). Would I actually have a happier summer, and if so, why?

So the difference in difficulties between my two operant options.
My boss:
actively ignores me
gets suddenly very angry and I don't understand why
gets angry when I don't pay attention to her needs, without operating knowledge of it (ie, she waits for me to figure out what she wants)
she refers to my faults as they define me as a person

Autistic kids will probably do all of these things. Key differences will be:
My boss can tell me what's wrong, articulately and at length.
My boss sits quietly and listens to me when I speak.
Autistic kids may turn and walk away from me while I'm speaking.
They may not be able to speak, to tell me what's wrong.
Autistic kids are a lot more likely to hit me, but a lot less likely to find clever ways to make me seem worthless to the universe.

 But the status differences are probably the biggest, by which I mean:
I will not be in a position of direct subordination to the only person in command
I will have the opportunity to work with many different people; I will have multiple supervisors, whose JOBs they have because they can work well with very difficult human beings.
I may even be considered a superior, and be allowed to speak strongly to my subordinates.

Okay something's wrong with this fucking computer and I need to get off. Giving me a goddamn headache. urg. Wish there weren't people in my house so I could just take a nap, in a silent house, in uncompromised privacy. to listen only to the birds, not to Spanish golden oldies. I love my hispanic worker bees, have no presumptions there, but I just can't stand the style of music. Its the timbre of it. Male voices in harmony combined with an accordion is just grating.

Anyways, my only point was, I feel like I'll be treated the same whichever  way I go, by a cranky 60 year old professor or a group of autistic 14 year olds. And that thought tickled me is all. I don't know which I'm going to do. I feel like that email making the spot I most wanted, right before the opportunity arose that I might need it, was a sign from God. "Here's your sign, get out of your dead-end research job and go hang out with kids whose lives you may positively impact. It's either that or try to appease a grouchy old lady, and even if you do that perfectly, there's no real upside except a slightly less cranky old lady and proof that you can do it. Proof of work ethic, or changing lives? And is one actually so much more likely to get you into medical school than the other?

I feel like I've been backed into a corner by my own drive to finish the job, but really, looking at the end goal, I have to back off and not just consider how it might effect my chances of getting into medical school, but how it will effect my philosophy as a doctor, and a person. Won't I be just like everyone I hate if I stay where I am, doing a job that doesn't really matter in order to secure a future. The me in my head is better than that, but I guess I was blinded to my parallel situation. Just because its a different color was no reason not to notice it. I'm going through the motions to secure my future. Just like I hate my mother for doing. For foregoing the opportunity to help people directly because I'm too afraid to risk what happens after that. I want my future to be about risking it in order to do whats right, so shouldn't that be what I do right now? I'm striving for something that's keeping me from fulfilling my nature. That's not right.

So, this post unlike all others actually gets found in google searches. Please, visitors, share thoughts in comments. What circumstances led you to this moment?