I know my boss well. Honest, blatant self-depreciation was commended. It was better than she expected. Our meeting mostly consisted of me sitting there with my mouth shut and her going back over problems that I need to correct. The conclusion was that she wants to be friends, that she won't hold a grudge if I improve. Which in my mind, equates to "I will still write you a good recommendation as if this didn't happen".
I would only whisper to the unlistening internet. I'm actually kind of disappointed that I don't get to go to Ohio and work with autistic kids. But this is the result that my advisors would have pushed me towards, and so it's what I'm going to stick with.
The ball is in my court. Now it's time for me get my act together, despite the fact that even this morning the dogs were barking at 8 and the workmen were buzz-sawing until I left. Despite that my mother calls me angry and takes out anger on me that probably has nothing to do with me.
She is willing to let me have my vacation. I just have to be clear about what I intend. I need to send an email before our morning meeting with an itinerary of things we should go over. But that's step 1 to finishing this project with a rainbow bang instead of a muddy fizzle, and to getting the recommendation that complements two years of dedication to a research lab.
If that doesn't show a medical school that I've got sticktoitiveness, I don't know what will. I've certainly shown myself that I am willing to go through a lot, at least so far as superiors are concerned. I need to spend more time sleeping on the ground before I can really be a MSF contender.
Are you proud of me?
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